I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
