Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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