Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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