i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
