They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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