you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
