i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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