ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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