That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
