how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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