I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
