was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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