My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
