I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
