It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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