she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
