And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
