I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
zippers are such a cool invention
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
