You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
