I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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