do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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