i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
