I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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