1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
