She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
