I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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