I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
