He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
