the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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