A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
