I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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