Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
