I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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