Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
