If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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