she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
then he tried to convert me to islam
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
