dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
