you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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