glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
