every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
