I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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