so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
