I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
