you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
where are my eyebrows?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
