You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
