It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
