i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
