Dual....:-)
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
