Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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