she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Come see our sink grown plant.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
