The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
