Will you blow on my dice?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
